I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize