you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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