I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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