just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
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You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize