I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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