woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
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he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
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When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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