life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize