i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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