I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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