Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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