the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
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Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
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My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Everclear isn't food dammit
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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