Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
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Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
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She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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