Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize