Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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