Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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