is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize