thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
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thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
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I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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