i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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