another moral hangover. fuck.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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