i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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