Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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