Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize