yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
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Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
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I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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