It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
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I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
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i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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