i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize