tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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