so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I could fuck to npr.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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