I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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