My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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