it was like a zeppelin in a condom
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
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All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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