In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
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Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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