sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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