Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize