so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize