just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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