your thong is hanging out like whoa
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
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I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
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Also, beer. Big fan.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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