he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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