I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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