I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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