I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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