he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
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She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
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Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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