Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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