It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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