I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
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She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
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That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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