No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize