Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize