I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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