the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize