Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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