I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
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Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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